Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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