god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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