Your dad touched me again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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