Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Terrible idea I love it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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