my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize