It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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