My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
