Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
