Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
