she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
