this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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