Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Mom said you looked used
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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