Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
