i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
