people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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