I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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