chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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