god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
