If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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