I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
