was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
