He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize