Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
