I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to get me chipped asap
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
