Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
