Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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