Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
