I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
me + whiskey = a bad person
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
