I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
