Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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