My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
