She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
