I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
