Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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