and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
