i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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