i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
