We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
