I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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