oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
