Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
