made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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