Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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