I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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