after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
