I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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