Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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