i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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