he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
