I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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