Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
