I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
