Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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