Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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