nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
