9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
