I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
