i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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