sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize