Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
