i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
