worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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