it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
