I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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