we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
