Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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