I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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