Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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