Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
