dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
