At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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