i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
