There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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