Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Blood and glitter go together right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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