I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
