Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
