New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
