so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
