we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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