Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize