i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I showed him my bush... on skype.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
