Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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