I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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