Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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