In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
