I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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