dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
