I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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