My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
