Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
