Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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