I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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