obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
