you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize