I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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