Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
