god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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