You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
